DAY 31! The Rules of Halloween

Day 31: The last day of the countdown is finally here! I hope everyone enjoyed it. Have a great Halloween!

Trick R' Treat (2009) (delayed since 2007)

I will start this one like a few others I've posted. Trick R' Treat is not a 'scary' movie. It is, however, a great movie to ring in Halloween night.

This movie is all about the rules of Halloween and, moreover, what happens if you break those rules.

In case you were wondering what happens...you get killed. Perhaps by this little guy (Sam) in the picture

The movie is actually 4 short stories that are intertwined and connected by these rules. There are werewolves, creepy kids, a murderous principal, and of course Sam- the protector of Halloween rules.

This straight to DVD flick has plenty of well known actors in it (including Anna Paquin), The cinematography of the flick is its strongest point. Perfect for a chilly fall evening full of ghosts and ghouls. Make sure you follow the rules...

Once again. I hope you all enjoyed this countdown. I will be back to my old commentary in no time.

Day 30: 'That house is not fit to live in.'

Only 2 more days of the 31 Days of Halloween countdown left! then it is back to my regularly scheduled Tirading :)

Day 30: The Changeling (1980) ---NO! Not that Angelina Jolie movie!!

1980's The Changeling is, for reasons beyond me, left off of most lists of scary movies. Perhaps it is due to its very slow, calm introduction period which isn't suitable for many viewers in the 'I want it now' era. BUT if you have patience for FILMS, atmospheric detail, and mood development then this gem is for you. It is a bit slow in the beginning, but believe me ther eis a payoff. This is one of the creepiest movies ever made.

The story focuses around a man (George C. Scott) who lost his family inan accident, and so he rents an old mansion to take some alone time to get himself together. Only problem is, he's not alone. the mansion is haunted and hiding a dark secret.

There are very few films out there that lay the creepiness on quite so thick. I dare you to watch The Changeling alone...but, just don't try watching it when you are tired.

Day 28 & 29: One's and Two's

Day 28:

Creepshow 1 and 2

The Creepshow series is like the original 'Tales From the Crypt' (which is also well worth watching). It is a compilaiton of short movies interconnected by a host segueing in between them. While Creepshow might not be 'scary', it is, as the title insists, creepy. For Creepshow I, the short to look out for is called 'They're Creeping Up On You', which will definitely have you squirming in your seat! Warning: If you have an extreme fear of bugs, pass up on this. There are a lot of formerly large stars in this including: Leslie Nielson, Ted Danson, and Stephen King among others.

Creepshow II is a great extension of this series with many more creepy shorts. In this one, look out for 'The Hitchhiker'. This is a great little creepfest featuring a victim of a hit and run who just won't die before he gets a ride.

Day 29:

Saw 1 and 2

Ok, so I know a lot of people are sick of Saw because of all of the sequels, but hear me out. 1st, part of what makes horror movies great is the fact that the killer doesn't die and you get to see him (or her) kill over and over again. 2nd, as far as originality in a horror movie goes, Saw is right up there near the top

3rd, this movie series actually holds sentimental value with me. Sounds ridiculous I know, but on October 29, 2004 I took Mrs. Caped on our first date. Being the romantic that I am, that date was to see Saw (hahah- seesaw). Anyway, YES, she still ended up marrying me. So the Saw series became a running point of humor in our relationship. We call it our anniversary movie because every year since, there has been a sequel in the theater during our anniversary.

Ok, so if you can get past Danny Glovers horrifically terrible acting, Saw 1 is a smart and fun ride. The death scenes are creative and the plot has great twists.

Saw II (my favorite in the series) is more of the same but it pits a group of criminals together in a house. Get ready to cringe and gasp about 30 seconds after one of the criminals uncovers a hole in the floor full of syringes.

Day 27: 'You're gonna die'

The Strangers (2008)

Contrary to the movies in my last post, The Strangers is a VERY frightening movie! It is suspenseful and smart and the killers are regular everyday people who decide to randomly torment and kill a random couple. That's it. No reasons. No elaborations. That's it.

The mood is dark throughout with the main couple (anchored by Liv Tyler) having some relationship trouble after Tyler turns down a wedding proposal from her boyfriend. They go to a remote house in the woods and everyone knows what happens in remote houses in the woods...

The killers in this film wear very simple Halloween masks which make them seem even scarier then if they were all done up. There are a lot of creepy 'peeping tom' style moments wear the killers are keeping a watchful eye on the helpless couple. If you haven't seen this, then go get it. But be warned, you might be very uncomfortable trying to fall asleep tonight.

Day 25 and 26: The Good Book vs. The Book of The Dead

Day 25 of the 31 Days of Halloween countdown

Donnie Darko (2001)

Donnie Darko is not scary by any means, but as far as strange and confusing go, it is a the top of my list. The movie is unique and terrific and will have you asking yourself 'what the fuck is going on' pretty often.

Centered around Donnie (Jake JillAndHall...whatever), a kid who stumbles onto time travel. Either that or he's nuts...I mean he does frequently talk to a 6 foot tall demonic looking bunny rabbit...then again I had some interesting imaginary friends in my days...then again, again, I wasn't a teenager when I saw them. I digress. This movie is a great halloween flick as it takes place around the holiday. Also, there is a great performance by Patrick Swayze as a creepy and demented 'child of God' who preeches various distortions of biblical text to the towns people forming sort of a cult community in which some of the most criminal of peole linger. This movie explores what can happen when you are aloud not only to glimpse into the future, but perhaps change it too.


The Evil Dead (1981)

Evil Dead is not a scary flick either. What it is, is the king of all 'B' horror movies and the real start to the career of the greatest 'B' movie actor of all time, Bruce Campbell. The man is a comedy/horror genius and (as I met him last year) one cool, yet cocky, S.O.B.

Evil Dead is about a group of college kids who go to a cabin in the woods for vacation and uncover the Necronomicon (the book of the dead). These not too horror savvy teens accidentally unleash demons into the woods and end up getting picked off one by one as they try to take shelter in the cabin.

Sam Raimi (Spiderman) Directed this gem. The effects are cheesey and the one-liners are ever more so...if by cheesey I mean AWESOME!!

This movie is so good that a group of people made a musical out of it, (which I saw, sat in the front few rows for, and got splattered with fake blood = good times). Do yourself a huge favor and watch the whole trilogy. If you are a fan of blood, comedy, and quotable lines you won't be disappointed.

Day 23 and 24: Be afraid of the dark

Day 23 of the 31 Days of Halloween countdown

30 Days of Night (2007)

30 Days of Night is by far one of the scariest and most effective vampire movies ever made. There is no 'glamouring'; there is no requests for anyone to 'look into their eyes'; there is no inkling of humanity in their dead eyes; and none of them fall in love with a human that has special abilities...

What this movie does have is, VAMPIRES! Blood thirsty, vicious, soulless, and scary vampires; and they are on the hunt in Alaska. Why Alaska? Well because the sun goes down and doesn't come back for a month out there. Hence, 30 days of night...more like 30 days of ripping peoples heads off and feeding on their blood. The movie is dark and sinister and about as realistic as a movie about blood suckers can be.

Day 24:

The Descent (2005)

The Descent follows a group of good looking women who like to, of all things, go spelunking. These adventurers pride themselves on pushing each other to the limits of their capability and on discovering new places to explore. This leads them to a series of caves which, as far as they know, have never been explored before. after a few really close calls with falling rocks and as the cave gets tighter and tighter to maneuver within, the darkness begins to play tricks on them and they begin to see scary creatures...Only, their minds are not playing tricks on them. Flesh eating creatures are after them and they must fight to stay alive.

This is a fantastic movie with one problem. The ending is HORRIBLE. Therefore, if you are going to watch this movie, I suggest turning it off about 2 minutes before it ends. (that would be right after the woman throws up- you'll know when to turn it off) In my opinion, it makes the movie waaay better than if you watch it to the very end with its ineffective twist. That said, it is still one of the best horror flicks of recent years. there is a sequel coming out soon...I hope it is good.

Day 21 & 22- Women are SCARY

The 31 Days of Halloween countdown

(Sorry to all for falling slightly behind with this. I will be caught up shortly)

Day 21:

Carrie (1976):

I hadn't seen Carrie in years, until I had the unique pleasure of seeing this film on original reel in the magnificent Landmark Loews Theatre on Friday. Man, I forgot how great this movie is and not because of the slow motion opening credit scene; during which there is a lot of this...but because it has all of the elements that makes a horror movie great AND stylistically has been taken from over the years to make other great horror flicks.

Poor Carrie and her crazy, fanatically religious mother. They just didn't fit in with everyone else. We all know how cruel high school kids can be. BUT in this film, they picked on the wrong girl.

This movie has a large cast of fairly prominent actors including Mr. Tony Manero himself. Add to that a slew of quotables and a sprinkle decently scary scenes and you have a great flick


Day 22:

Gothika: (2003)

Gothika is an example of a smart thriller. Starring Hallie Berry, Charles S. Dutton, and the dude playin' the dude disguised as another dude, Gothika is a great movie about a woman (Berry) who is admitted into the psychiatric hospital that she worked in after being charged with killing her husband. THe problem is, Berry doesn't remember doing it...oh and she begins to see ghosts....either that or she's going crazy.

There are plenty of gotcha moments and a very good story line that will keep most people on their toes. Enjoy.

Day 19 and 20: BRAAAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNSS!!!

Day 19 of the 31 Days of Halloween countdown

Night of the Living Dead (1968)

Night of the Living Dead was a groundbreaking film when it first came out and it was the 1st in a long list of George A. Romero zombie flicks in the 'dead' series. Shot in black and white NOTLD is basically the second zombie movie ever made (the first being White Zombie).

The film starts off with a woman named Barbara (Judith O'Dea) and her brother at a cemetery visiting their father's grave. Out of nowhere, the undead begin chasing them (in slow motion like the old school Mummy movies). Barbara makes it out alive and into a house that begins to fill up with random other survivors anchored by the movies hero, Ben (Duane Jones) who is a black man. I only mention this because, at the time, this was atypical of movie heroes. Kudos to Romero for not being a dumb racist jackass.

This movie is not for you if you want fast-paced zombies with super human strength, BUT if you want to see where the phenomenon started, then this is the movie for you.

Day 20:

Dawn of the Dead (Remake-2004)

Keeping in line with the 'Dead' series I am going to highlight Dawn of the Dead. BUT I am going to recommend the remake. Though the original is fantastic, the remake was done very well and shot in a very different way from the original. The opening scene alone makes the DOTD remake one of the best horror movies this decade.

Unlike zombie movies of the past, this remake offers a fast-paced, strong, and fairly intelligent undead population. Don't worry, they are still out looking for some good old fashion brains to chow down on.

There is a well known cast of actors attached to this, none outshining the fairly unknown (at the time) Ty Burrell who is simply awesome and is, incidentally, in one of my new favorite TV shows

Day 17 and 18: All In The Family

Day 17 of the 31 Days of Halloween countdown


The Devil's Rejects (2005)

To me, Rob Zombie is a bit of a directorial genius. His flicks are tasteless, tactless, politically incorrect, gory, trashy, schlocky, and just plain terrific.

The Devil's Rejects is by far his best work. A sequel to House of 1000 Corpses, but it stands on its own so you don't need to see H1000C unless you are really into trashy flicks.

The story follows a family of disgusting criminals who engage in murder, torture, and necrophilia all seemingly for kicks. Sound sick? Well, it is, but somehow in the midst of all the terrible things this f'ed up family does, there are times when you find yourself rooting for them. And you even get to see a glimpse of a true loving family in there.

The cast is amazing. It stars, Sid Haig, Bill Moseley, and Zombie's super hot wife, Sheri. Add to that a bunch of mid level actors that will have you saying, Hey that's that guy from...ummmm....something...

The flick isn't scary in the slasher movie sort of way. It is incredibly unsettling and gross and should come with a bar of soap. And I loved every minute of it. You looking for some sadistic stylings? Then this is the movie for you.


Day 18:

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: (1974)


LEATHERFACE!! TCM is the story about the original dysfuncitonal family. A family that looks out for one another...especially their disfigured son. How do they do that? Well, they let him kill people, remove their flesh, and make masks out of it to cover his hideous face with. If that isn't love, I don't know what is...

TCM is one of the first films that is shot from the perspective of the killers. Many of the scenes and concepts from this movie were used in Zombie's flicks (above). TCM is bizzare and radically different from most other horror movies.

Loosely based on the killings perptrated by Ed Gein, TCM was shot using a 16mm camera providing it with a grainy and unsettling presentation that was common in the 70's.

I will say this. TCM is a movie for true horror originalists. It was not cut from the same cloth as horror movies today and does not follow the formula familiar to most. If you are looking for the familiar, then go with the 2003 remake, which was also a very good flick.

Day 16: "You drive a woman crazy. You little slut."

Day 16 of the 31 Days of Halloween countdown

Haute Tension (High Tension) (2003):
(French, English dubbed/subtitled)

High Tension is a French flick and I will say this about the French...they are some sick bastards!

The story revolves around 2 college girls on vacation at one of the girl's parent's house in the country.

I was going to say that, in the beginning, everything seems happy and nice, but that would be a lie. From the beginning you can feel the angry mood of this film, you can tell that there is going to be a lot of violence...and you get a glimpse of a guy, how should I put this..., giving himself head with the head of a young girl who is now headless, before he heads out to kill more young girls.

Its an atmospheric and SUPER dark movie full of seemingly random murders perpetrated by a disgusting old , fat Frenchman who just likes the feel of a good jumpsuit...covered in blood and guts.

And, essentially, that is what this movie is...or is it? Mindless?- NO! Random?-Not so much...

BUT it is plenty violent and well thought out. get ready to be disgusted, scared, disturbed, and pleasantly surprised.

High Tension is by far and away the best French horror film I've seen.

Day 15: "You see, Jason was my son, and today is his birthday"

Day 15 of the 31 Days of Halloween countdown

Friday the 13th (1980):

Welcome to Camp Crystal Lake, NJ. A lake where the kids have fun under the sun and the counselors have fun under the sheets. BUT as the old saying goes, it's all fun and games until someone loses a son due to negligent life guards; and then goes on a killing spree...or something like that.

Anyway, Friday the 13th is pretty much the king of the slasher flicks from the 80's (following the success of Halloween). This era became saturated with teen scream flick after teen scream flick because of this movie. Boasting New Jersey's first horror movie killer, elements from this flick have influenced many of the greats that followed it. Tom Savini (special effects God) created some of the best horror deaths to date for it and they've been mimicked many times over. You probably won't find this flick scary now, but in its hay day it was premier. AND, as if that isn't enough, Kevin Bacon is in it. So if you ever play that game, you have another movie in your arsenal...then again, there isn't anyone else really noteworthy in it with him except maybe Betsy Palmer so it probably won't help.

I haven't seen the remake, but I here good things. No matter what, the original is a horror movie classic and if you are a true horror head then you will love it. I recommend watching this in conjunction with parts 2 and 3 to get the full experience and get properly acquainted with New Jersey's favorite son, Jason Vorhees.

Day 14: "According to this...you're already dead."

Day 14 of the 31 Days of Halloween countdown:

Jacob's Ladder (1990):

I probably say this a lot, but, this really is one of my favorite movies. To me, it is a thriller masterpiece. I won't say that its scary, because it really isn't. It is however, interesting and unsettling

The move focuses around Jacob Singer (Tim Robbins), A Vietnam veteran that is now a postal worker, and his girlfriend Jezebel.

Aside from the depression Jacob feels over the loss of his son (Macaulay Culkin), everything seems to be going well for Jacob...

That is until he begins to realize that there are people after him...people or demons? He isn't sure. Neither will you be...is he going nuts? You'll have to see

One of the best elements this flick has to offer is its ability to place random creepy things (from eyeless doctors to crazy midgets) together into a mantage of disturbing images for your mind to dwell upon.

Day 11, 12, and 13: Little kids are SCARY

Day 11 of the 31 Days of Halloween countdown:


Pet Cemetery (1989): 'Sometimes dead is better. '

Ok. So Pet Cemetery, like most older movies, isn't scary by today's standards. However, there are some very terrifically scary elements to this flick.

The story centers around a family in a very rural town. The son, Gage (one of the cutest little kids), gets hit by a truck and killed and is thereafter no longer a cute little kid. So his father buries him in a pet cemetery.

Gage then comes back as an evil version of himself and goes on a killing spree.

Just go watch it. GAGE= one of the scariest kid characters ever!


Day 12 of the 31 Days of Halloween countdown:

The Exorcist (1973): 'It is he who commands you!'

What can I say about the Exorcist? Regan (Linda Blair) is a cute little kid.

Cute, that is until she gets possessed by the devil. After that she's pretty gross...throwing up; cursing more than if Richard Pryor, Sam Kinison, and Lenny Bruce got into a three way car accident with each other after a night of crack, cocaine, and morphine binges, respectively; bleeding from everywhere; spinning her head around; walking like a crab; OH yea...and fucking herself with a crucifix.

Another gem that most people today probably won't think is overtly scary, but this movie is bested only by Jaws for its effect on the largest number of people.


The Ring (2002 Remake): 'You're gonna die...'

I typically go for the originals rather than the remakes, but in this instance, I have to go with The Ring rather than Ringu. Some of you might disagree with me, but to me, most Japanese movies aren't scary, though the premises are usually awesome.

The Ring is a movie about a mysterious video tape that, when watched, begins the countdown until your death. In just 7 days after watching the tape, a girl named Samara will visit you through your TV and scare you literally to death and make you look like this.

I'm not gonna lie. The morning after seeing this movie in the theater, I was in the shower and I got creeped out and pulled the shower curtain back to make sure no one was in the room watching me.

Day 10: "They're Heeeeeerreeee"

The 31 Days of Halloween countdown day 10:

Poltergeist (1982)

Poltergeist is one of the first horror movies I ever saw and it is just as spooky now as it was then.

The Freeling's had it all. A beautiful house, an upscale development neighborhood, 3 loving children (Dana, Robbie, and Carol Anne)...and their own Indian burial ground.

It seems that this housing development was built on a cemetery and the Freelings are not alone. They unintentionally wake a poltergeist and legions of unrested souls. At first, as anyone would think, the Freelings are amazed with and excited by these spirits. Playing games with them and prompting them to move furniture around the room, but as the old saying goes: 'It's all fun and games until a poltergeist kidnaps Carol Ann through your television set and tries to make her go into the light.'...isn't that how that saying goes?

Anyway, the Freelings soon discover that poltergeists are not just some silly former people who like to perform parlor tricks, but rather they are vengful, nasty, and live in your TV set. ;)

On a side note: If you like clowns, or even better, are terrified by them, then you MUSt watch this movie :)

Day 9: "I live off blood..."

Day 9 of the 31 Days of Halloween countdown:

Let The Right One In (2004- English subtitled)

WARNING: This movie definitely is not for everyone.

To call 'Let The Right One In' a movie would be an inaccurate description. It is not a movie so much as it is a piece of artwork full of deep, dark, heavy-hearted imagery. It is not even scary...in the cheap thrills and gore kind of way, at least.

Its not scary.....its truly disturbing. It is uncomfortable. It kind of makes you feel like you need to shower. BUT it is also beautiful and engulfing and truly unique in the film world.

Adapted from a Swedish book by the same name, 'Let The Right One In' is a tale about a 12 year old boy (Oskar) who is an outcast at his school. No friends and totally alone. Until one day he meets Eli. Eli is an equally lonely and outcasted 12 year old girl who moves into his apartment complex with her father. Well, not really. Eli is a centuries old vampire who is trapped in the body of a 12 year old and travels with a man who is actually a pedophile (I know...its crazy!)

So, despite the obvious differences between Oskar and Eli, they grow very close. Though Eli is a vampire, this tale is less about vampirism as it is about the depression and loneliness of alienated, lost souls and the bond that can develop between two of these souls.

ANOTHER WARNING: In the story, Eli is a vampire and not a little girl. It is explained that she doesn't have lower girl parts, but at one point in the film they show her lower front. It isn't real, but it makes for an uncomfortable moment.

Day 8: All work and no play..."

Day 8 of the 31 Days of Halloween countdown:



The Shining (1980)

I don't think this film needs an introduction or a play-by-play telling you what it is about. If you do need one, then stop reading now, go to the video store, and buy it.

A film about the complete meltdown of the mind of a writer stuck in a huge vacancy with his wife and son. Truly scary. Supposedly, Stephen King did not like this adaptation of his book and allowed for another one to be made. That other version was frigging awful! There is nothing better than watching Jack Nicholson get crazy with an axe.

Day 7: "Mocky-Lock is the boogeyman, Mocky-Lock wants me where I am!"

Day 7 of the 31 Days of Halloween count down

The Cell (2000)

Ok. So I'm going to start by saying I am not a fan of Jennifer Lopez. In my mind, she should have stayed a fly girl on 'In Living Color'. But, that's just me, and there is one really big exception.

THE CELL!!

The Cell focuses on Lopez as a child pyschologist who is part of a team of doctors that explore the minds of coma victims to try to awaken them.

Lopez and her team of Dreamscapers are tasked by Vince Vaughn to crash weddings...start a fraternity...tell him he's 'So Money'...help him explore the mind of a serial killer (played by Private Pyle) to find one of his victims that may still be alive.

As Lopez invades the killers mind, she slips into a virtual world of some of the most sick and twisted illustrated thought. The detail in the madness of the killer's thought is groundbreaking and very scary. You want a dark demented ride through the mind of a serial killer, this is it.

Day 6: "Plans are pointless. Staying alive's as good as it gets. "

I hope everyone is enjoying this so far! I wish you all many hours of horrific fun and many more hours of sleepless nights due to the ever growing fear :)

The 31 days of Halloween, day 6

This great British flick is basically a modified zombie story. Rather than the monsters being the rising dead, they are just regular people who have been injected infected with rage.

Imagine waking up from a coma. Now, imagine waking up from a coma and there is seemingly no one else left on Earth.

Welcome to 28 Days Later. Our main character stumbles into a world where there are VERY few uninfected people. Everyone else? Full of more rage than Chris Benoit stuck in L.A. traffic behind a garbage truck with a Bowflex in toe....too soon?

Anyway, This is definitely a frightening flick. I don't think there are many things scarier than being chased around an island by a bunch of Zombie-ish creatures still with the wherewithal to run toward you.

Day 5: "You might as well come out to investigate a strange noise or something. "

Day 5 of the 31 Days of Halloween count down:

Scream (1996)

Its hard to believe that this gem is already over 10 years old. Scream is one of those movies that you can watch no matter what type of movie your in the mood for, except for, maybe, a romantic comedy or porn.

A respectably scary flick that was intended to mock the bland, overdone, and corny trends that had become status quo for horror movies; Scream revolves around a teenage girl named Sydney, (Neve Campbell) who is being terrorized by a killer who is leaving a wake of bodies in his path.

How do you survive a scenario such as this? Know the basic formula to horror movies and follow the rules:

#1. Never have sex.
#2. Never drink or do drugs.
#3. Never say 'I'll be right back.'


Follow these simple rules and you might just make it. But, knowing the followers I have on this Blog, I'm sure that at least rules 1 and 2 were broken a long time ago... Seriously, you guys probably shouldn't ignore that noise under your bed tonight. When you hear it, just run...run fast and for God's sake don't fall down.

Ok, That's all for now. Don't worry, I'll be right back...

Day 4: El Orfanato (The Orphanage)

Day 4 of the 31 Days of Halloween count down:

The Orphanage (2007) is a a terribly spooky and exciting Spanish flick (English subtitled), The impressive cinematography and heavy atmosphere sets it apart from most of the other horror/thriller movies of this decade.

Under the direction of Guillermo Del Toro (Pan's Labyrinth), El Orfanato ties you to the characters in a unique and genuine way. This is so much more than a ghost story!

Though there are a few 'gotcha' moments, they are not what the film relies on. The film is saturated with a beautifully creepy feel throughout.

The story revolves around a woman (Laura), her husband (Carlos), and their orphan son (Simón). All of whom live in a house that used to be an orphanage in which Laura grew up.

Simón's imaginary friends begin playing games with the family and before long a nightmare ensues. One of the imaginary friends, Tomás, leaves a trail for Laura to uncover the truth behind the orphanage and its dark past.

This is one of my favorites! AND, actually, I am dressing as Tomás for Halloween this year.

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Day 3: ...Three, Four. Better lock your door...

Day 3 of the 31 Days of Halloween countdown:

NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET:

NOES is scary on so many different levels and twisted in more ways than that. Come on...Freddy Kruger! A pedophile that was burned alive by an angry mob of parents, coming back from the dead through the dreams of fearful teens, with a glove full of razors, to exact his revenge!! Scary shit. But don't hide too tight, otherwise you might miss Freddy's witty jokes as he cuts up and torments his victims. Go see it now!! And for God's sake. What ever you do, don't fall asleep

Day 2: "Don't cry for her son, she wasn't human. "

For the 31 Days of Halloween Countdown: Day 2, I thought I'd highlight this lesser known gem.


FRAILTY

Bill Paxton and Matthew McCo-blah-blah, star in this terrifically creepy thriller. It follows a man (Paxton) who is teaching his two young sons(McCo-blah-blah and some other kid) how to slay people demons disguised as people. They were three men living all together, but they were all alone...alone with directives they obtained straight from God himself!! And those directives? Kill demonic creatures with an axe. I know it doesn't sound like much, but Paxton is one scary SOB in this one as he cuts the heads off his victims in front of his young sons....

Don't piss off daddy, you little demons.

Laurie, what's the boogeyman?

Today marks the beginning of my 31 Days of Halloween horror movie count down. As I said in previous posts, Halloween is my favorite holiday and I am a bit of a horror movie fanatic. What better way to bring in the spirit of Halloween then by sharing some movie suggestions with you all. The list is not in any particular order and I am not rating them. So, turn out the lights and watch at your own risk.

DAY 1: HALLOWEEN (1978)

What better way to kick off a horror movie count down, than with John Carpenter's classic, Halloween.

To me, Halloween is one of the scariest movies ever made. At 6 years old, Michael Myers killed his older sister and ended up in an insane asylum. 15 years later Myers escapes fro mthe asylum and, while rocking a William Shatner mask, attempts to finish what he started by killing his younger sister (played by Jamie Lee Curtis).

If you're interested in blood and guts and over the top 'gotcha' moments, then this isn't the movie for you. BUT if you are looking for an intense, suspenseful and frightening, old school flick with a musical score scarier than Clint Eastwood's verse in the end-credits score in Gran Torino, then this movie will not disappoint.

THE BOOGEYMAN IS COMING!!!

"Black cats and goblins and broomsticks and ghosts.
Covens of witches with all of their hopes.
You may think they scare me. You're probably right.
Black cats and goblins on Halloween night.
Trick or treat!"

Die Laughing! Lighter Side Of Horror Day 3

Today's trio of side-splitting scare-flicks features a reluctant descendant of a mad scientist, a Klown Kar full of aliens wielding cotton-candy machine guns, and Jim Carey.

1. Young Frankenstein- 'Its pronounced FRONKenSTEEN!'-- This Gene Wilder classic features Peter Boyle as the monster (yes, the dad from Everybody Loves Raymond) and just about the greatest rendition of 'Puttin' On The Writz' that you'll ever hear. Igor have a hunch that you are really going to enjoy this flick.

2. Killer Klowns From Outerspace- Who doesn't love a circus full of silly clowns? As it turns out, a lot of people. And with good reason. These Klowns, much like Joe Pesci in Goodfellas, are not here to amuse you. they are here to turn Bozo's into a sugary snack.

3. Once Bitten- This is a true 80's teen flick with a twist. An aging vampiress is in dire need of virgin blood. The only problem is, the 80's were full of promiscuity and there were no virgins to be had. Enter, Jim Carrey. Seduction and suction quickly follow as the vampiress literally sucks-off of Carey in an attempt to turn him into her leeching lap dog. Will she succeed? Or will Carey's girlfriend give up the goods to save his mortal life?

Laugh At Death! Lighter Side of Horror, Day 2

Ok folks. Here we are with day 2 of the frighteningly funny. Today's installment features a machete-wielding, penis-less party pooper; a 100 foot softy sailor; and an instructional 'how-to' on becoming a slasher flick killer.

1. Club Dread- The 2nd (well 3rd if you count their college try (a terrible flick) Puddle Cruiser) movie put out by the Broken Lizard Comedy Troop...you know them as the guys from Super Troopers. Club Dread is a fun dark movie about a hedonistic Island resort full of horny 20 somethings circling around Jordan Ladd and Britney Daniel, and a washed up Jimmy Buffet style singer (played by Bill Paxton), that turns into a bloodbath as the spirit of a dick-less killer named Machete Phil Coletti goes on a rampage...or does he?

2. Ghostbusters! Need I say more? If you haven't seen this movie stop reading NOW and go get it! I don't care how...just do it...why are you still reading this? Ok, sorry. Bill Murray at his best; an unforgetable Rick Moranis; and a 100 foot marshmallow. Simply one of the greatest movies of all time.

3. Behind The Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon. This is a silly flick about a guy who hires a camera crew to follow him as he attempts horror movie style murders all the while providing insight as to how the Killer does what he (or she) does best. How does a killer who only appears to be walking catch up to a half naked screaming teen as she runs through the woods? Well, Leslie Vernon has your answer.

Halloween Horror Count Down Warm Up

8 days until the 31 Days of Halloween horror movie countdown begins! As a warm up, I've decided that over these 8 days I am going to have a variant countdown highlighting the lighter side of horror. These are the movies that make you laugh while characters are torn to shreds. As will be in my other countdown, these movies are NOT in any particular order. Just some good old fashion frightening, fear-flinging fun :). There are probably many out there who have seen a majority of these movies, but if you're someone who hasn't, start loading up your Netflix queue. Enjoy!

Today's picks:

1. Shaun Of The Dead- Probably the most well known horror comedy out there, Shaun is in my mind one of the funniest movies ever made AND it has a few decent gotcha moments to boot. If you like smart dry humor, zombies (ooops I said the 'Zed' word), and Grand Master Flash then this movie is for you.

2. Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein - From two of the greatest minds in entertainment, I present to you this classic. A star studded cast anchored by Lon Chaney (the Wolfman) and Dracula himself, Bela Lugosi. This hilarious movie highlights the 'Odd Couple' relationship of Bud and Lou magnificently as Dracula attempts to kill and steal the brain of a dim-witted union worker for the sake of trying to make the Frankenstein monster more pliable. A real classic!!

3. Clue- The original who-done-it. Clue is another one of my all time favorite movies. Super quotable and hilarious. Plus, for you scaredy cats out there, this one is pretty much spook free, though it has it share of murders :) If you haven't seen it then you're in for a treat! This movie will KILL your boredom, in the Living room, with shear genius.

That's all for today folks. Check me out tomorrow . Happy viewing

Halloween Season Is Upon Us

Hello Tiraders,

After a much needed break, I'm back, sort of. I will be blogging, but I am going to change it up for the next month.

So, Halloween is my favorite holiday. I guess I have a strange draw to the dark side of things. With that said, there are plenty of other reasons why Halloween rocks:

-Its the one day of the year that you can wear a Superhero outfit and not feel like an outcast.

-It becomes acceptable to host horror movie marathons that start at 10am and end when the last person falls asleep(as I mentioned before I am a bit of a horror movie freak)

-Candy

-Costume parties

-Scary decorations

Ok, in light of all of this I am going to, for the month of October, post a daily movie recommendation in a list I made, 'THE 31 DAYS of HALLOWEEN". Be on the lookout. In the mean time, I have created what I believe to be a pretty good Halloween party music mix that I would like to share with you all. You will notice the list excludes the "corny" traditional halloween songs (I.e. -"Monster Mash") but rather it is full of real songs that remind me of Halloween or are in any way creepy/scary. In my mix I sprinkled in audio clips from my favorite horror movies to make the overall listening experience a bit more creepy. (I left those clips off of the list as well) If you have any musical recommendations feel free. I am always looking to improve my party mixes. I hope you all enjoy this brief change of pace and I hope I bring to you some music and movies that you haven't heard/seen. Anyway, here is the list:


1. The Cramps- I Was a Teenage Werewolf
2. Rob Zombie- Dragula
3. The Ramones- Pet Cemetery
4. The Specials- Ghost Town
5. Nightmare Before Christmas- Grimm Grinning Ghosts
6. Warren Zevon- Werewolves of London
7. Ozzy Osborne- Bark at the Moon
8. Fresh Prince- Nightmare on My Street
9. The Who- Boris the Spider
10. Oingo Boingo- Weird Science
11. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds- Red Right Hand
12. Jim Carroll Band- People Who Died
13. Guess Who- Clap for the Wolfman
14. Ween- Voodoo Lady
15. John Fogerty- Wicked Old Witch
16. Whodini- Freaks Come Out at Night
17. Atlanta Rhythm Section- Spooky
18. Charlie Daniels Band- Devil Went Down to Georgia
19. Blue Oyster Cult- Don’t Fear The Reaper
20. Laura Branigan- Self Control
21. Dr. Demento- They’re Coming To Take Me Away
22. Johnny Cash- When the Man Comes Around
23. Duran Duran- Hungry Like the Wolf
24. Ac/Dc- Hells Bells
25. Alice Cooper- Feed My Frankenstein
26. Richard Cheese- Down With the Sickness
27. B-52’s- Devil in My Car
28. Metallica- Enter Sandman
29. Halloween Theme Song
30. CCR- I Put A Spell On You
31. Alice in Chains- Them Bones
32. Dead or Alive- Something in My House
33. Dixie Cups- Iko Iko
34. Alice Cooper- Welcome to my Nightmare
35. ICP- Every Halloween
36. The Dickies- Killer Klowns from Outer Space
37. Elvis- Devil in Disguise
38. Ray Parker Jr.- Ghostbusters
39. Friday the 13th Theme Song
40. Iron Maiden- Hallowed Be Thy Name
41. Johnny Cash- Ghost Riders in the Sky
42. Ministry- Every Day is Halloween
43. INXS- Devil Inside
44. Steve Miller Band- Abracadabra
45. Michael Jackson- Thriller
46. Gnarls Barkley- Run
47. Blue Oyster Cult- Joan Crawford
48. Jaws Theme Song
49. Little Shop of Horrors- Mean Green Mother From Outer Space
50. John Fogerty- Eye of the Zombie
51. Nightmare Before Christmas- This is Halloween
52. Oingo Boingo- Dead Man’s Party
53. J. Geils Band- Fright Night
54. Rob Zombie- More Human Than Human
55. Talking Heads- Psycho Killer
56. Antsy Pants- I am a Vampire
57. Rockwell- Somebody’s Watching Me
58. Rolling Stones- Paint it Black
59. Iron Butterfly- Ina Gadda Da Vida
60. The Kinks- Wicked Annabella
61. Rocky Horror Picture Show- Time Warp

Lots To Do

Dear Blogger friends. Thank you for your loyalty to my blog thus far. I truly appreciate it. I am just writing this to let you all know that I am taking a little break from blogging to focus on some other work. I will stop your blogs periodically to read what you are up to. I don't yet know if this will be a week long break or a month long break, but it will be a break. Until then, take good care.
-CT

Someone Give This Guy A Hand

Ok, here's an article about yet another group of people without common sense. This story comes out of Florida. Home to such past gems as (self-pimpage warning): The Most Important Meal, For the Love of Mummy, and a few others, this ridiculous tale doesn't suprise me the least bit.

Steve Valdez, a man with two prosthetic arms, tried to cash a check his wife wrote at the Bank of America where she has an account, but when he got to the counter he was faced with a true dilemma. The genius teller told him he couldn't cash the check without providing thumbprint identificaiton. Do you see the dilemma here? No arms = no thumbs. When Valdez explained the impossibiliy of this request and provided her with 2 forms of ID, she got her supervisor who basically thumbed her nose up at him and said his options are to either have his wife come in or open a separate account.

Now as a general rule of thumb, I am somewhat understanding when it comes to an employee following company policy. Hell, I've, at times, even given people a big thumbs up for following the rules. But this instance of 'I'm just doing my job' makes me want to rise up. These people can stck their thumbs up their butts and spin.

That's basically what Valdez told said. He pretty much told them to take a hike (though he didn't do the gesture). He then warned them of their violations under the Americans with Disabilites Act and that they will have a field day with this.

The Bank supervisor conceded his point and challenged him to a winner take all thumb-wrestling match. Ok, I made that part up, but seriously she might as well have considering how obsurd this whole story is. BUT a spokesperson for the Bank of America DID say that the supervisor should have caught on to how illogical she was being and provided Valdez with another option, but sometimes their employees are all thumbs...Ok, that didn't happen either.

What actually happen was a man was put in an unimaginable and embarrassing position due to the inability of a couple of bank tellers to use common sense....but, I don't want to point fingers.

And Your Point Is...

A fellow blogger friend, Tennyson posted a reflective blog today contemplating and questioning our purpose here on Earth. He did so, not in a pot-headed , star-staring kind of way; but in a genuine moment of wonderment. From the most 'righteously religious' of us, all the way to the 'sinful sinners', I think we're all conflicted with questions of our true purpose at some point. I know that I have contemplated these things. Here are a few poems I've written with this in mind:


The Rebirth of Daniel Webster

I must admit that most mornings I’ve awakened humbled by the knowledge you’ve provided me. I’d rise from my catacomb, resurrected from my slumber and jump up the steps of a stairway built on promises for those willing to never mind their surroundings and leap. I’ve drunk from fermented vines and I’ve feasted on mountains of breads by the dozen, until only a clast of supper remained. I’ve clasped onto the beads of your truth and skimmed through the pages of your biography. I’ve borrowed your compass to navigate the seas because at times when I didn’t,
I found myself flooded without an olive branch to cling to or a dove to find it. Yet, I feel like I’ve been waiting forever for your eternity and the virtues you pride yourself on begetting upon me have gotten lost in free drafts of my living will. I am weary of waiting the accruement of my essential value. What is the going rate for one of these things anyway?


This one is an elegy:

Obolus

Treading between vestal statues like
Mars incarnate, they stagger in groups down
the cobblestone path, beyond overgrown patches
of pachysandra and ivy-veined cinder. Passing
thru the limestone archway to the father’s chalice
to wash their unchaste faces. Like migrants, they register
their arrival and reestablish familiar villages sailing along
memories of our shared voyages and discoveries.
Seawater batters the floorboard like a monsoon
over a Siracusan fishing boat. Their patent leathers and pumps
swab the hull as they single file down the plank and fall
to their knees as the vigils light dims.

Within the burnt-cedar humidor I lie
burning in the flames of regal gold
laina and anemone. Adonis
waiting to rejoin the womb of the myrrh.



Star Dust


Even the moon,
As it spirals closer to
Death, moves toward
The light.

That’s not a
Metaphor for religion,
But if I had only one
Dollar

To my name,
I’d let it all ride on
Pascal’s wager.

We don’t know-
And those who claim to
Are also just human

I’m starting to be-
lieve in consciousness
And the Earth. Even we
Are recyclable.


Anointed

As his hairs
burn out like scrub brush
in a wildfire as he stands barefoot
on the fetid floor tiles and looks
into his own eyes questioning his
atheism. Black rivers extend from
bursted blood vessels leading nowhere.
Oils smear his forehead like communal
consecration. His neck hinges toward
his feet. He feels the malignance of his
impotence pulling at his ability to change.
He is the murk of winter-
clutching almanacs like Bibles,
never turning from Mars. Praying for
vernal equinox to save his dimming
Saxon light.


Hallow Fills

Pressing the Earth, stretched at your feet
as the clouds dance around the moon.
An unusual place for summer retreat
where flesh feeds soil, new life ensues.
We lay beneath the spotted oak
spinning threads about our pasts.
Never minding the summer soak,
holding hands beneath the grass.
Writing notes against the stone.
Spoken words unspoken still.
We never attempted to atone
‘til we gazed from the hallow fills.
No longer strangers as we lie
beneath the gates, beneath the sky.

PED-TV

SO, I read a news article from last week about a hugely successful TV show out of India that is about a 12 year old girl who is married off to an adult male and lives with him and his family portraying a "reality" type vision of true pedophilic marriages that occur in India where, according to UNICEF, they account for nearly 40% of all child marriages in the world. Ok, I know what you are thinking and that is exactly what my first thought was; Eat your heart out Benny Mardones.

In all seriousness, how does crap like this get the nod from the average couch pedo potato? I mean, I know why it gets the nod from the TV execs, but I find it kind of sad that this prime time perversion racked up 74 million viewers in July alone. But then again, due to the staggering number of these marriages, I'm guessing that at least a portion of its viewership is made up of strapping 20-30-something-year-old men and their prepubescent brides; thus making the show nothing more than a family friendly sitcom. Talk about gross.

I bet you are wondering if there are laws in place to stop these tween touchers from forcing poor innocent girls into these slavery marriages. Well, The article goes on to say that the "legal age for marriage in India is 18 for girls and 21 for boys, the law is often ignored." Oh...that explains it. There are laws, its just that no one follows them.

Its 2009 for crying out loud. How is savagery like this still common place in the world? When will the daughters of the world no longer be subjegated by the sons of misogynist fathers? I know not all cultures are the same and it is wrong for one to try to force their ideals on another, but anyone with a brain stem and a conscience can see...well, you know where I'm gong with this.

Special Thanx

I just wanted to write this post to say thank you to LadyTruth, Teacup, and JennyMac for shouting out my blog! Now...go follow these ladies. That is all

Ireland Trip Final Installment (day 5 and 6)

The fifth day of our trip was by far my favorite. We took a ferry to the Aran Islands which are simply beautiful.

On our way to the ferry, we saw this Hangman style 'Choose your own' Caution sign. As you can see, whoever was guessing letters to complete the puzzle sucked pretty badly getting no correct letters and leaving us only an arm and two legs worth of wrong guesses before this poor silhouetted sucker meets the looped end of a rope. Any guesses??

We chose the bike shop to the right...why? Because we laugh at danger, that's why.











































The Bronx Tale taught them that its ok to love whoever you want...The goat must have given the chihuahua the door test.

























The Aran Islands are magnificent from every angle!

















I've heard this is the best way to get a good look at a T-Bone.....but I'll take the butchers word for it


















The prettiest cottage in Ireland





















This beach appeared out of nowhere after bicylcing around a bend. It is one of the cleanest beaches in Europe




































On the 6th day, we went to Dublin to hang out. On our way there our GPS got screwed up and we found ourselves lost between Trim and Cock























When we finally got to Dublin we were greeted by a man dressed in traditional Irish garb

















This pretty house was smack in the middle of the city.

































Believe it or not, they're real


















...and so is this guy






















We got hungry, so we went to 'Nude' to get lunch. I had the roast beef sandwich with no cheese. Ironically everyone there had their clothes on.


















This prayer was at one of the pubs we hit while there.


























Later that night we went on a traditional Irish music pub crawl. It was really cool. These two guys sang songs and gave us history. They told us all about lock-ins where musicians sit in pubs after hours and continue playing songs all night. From what they told us, during these lock-ins random patrons of the pub can just singing a song from their region (kind of like an open mic) which then exposes everyone else to that music making everyone more well rounded.




After explaining all of this, they asked for a volunteer to sing a song from where they come from. After about 3 or 4 minutes of grueling silence...







I figured I could, when telling this story, talk about how noone got up there and sang; or I could say *** and give it a go. So, I raised my hand and gave the crowd some 'Brother Loves Traveling Salvation Show'.



















That about wraps up the Ireland trip. I'll be back with my regularly scheduled tirades before you know it.