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Am I a superhero? Or just a lunatic that wears a cape...and rants?

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Laurie, what's the boogeyman?

Today marks the beginning of my 31 Days of Halloween horror movie count down. As I said in previous posts, Halloween is my favorite holiday and I am a bit of a horror movie fanatic. What better way to bring in the spirit of Halloween then by sharing some movie suggestions with you all. The list is not in any particular order and I am not rating them. So, turn out the lights and watch at your own risk.


What better way to kick off a horror movie count down, than with John Carpenter's classic, Halloween.

To me, Halloween is one of the scariest movies ever made. At 6 years old, Michael Myers killed his older sister and ended up in an insane asylum. 15 years later Myers escapes fro mthe asylum and, while rocking a William Shatner mask, attempts to finish what he started by killing his younger sister (played by Jamie Lee Curtis).

If you're interested in blood and guts and over the top 'gotcha' moments, then this isn't the movie for you. BUT if you are looking for an intense, suspenseful and frightening, old school flick with a musical score scarier than Clint Eastwood's verse in the end-credits score in Gran Torino, then this movie will not disappoint.


"Black cats and goblins and broomsticks and ghosts.
Covens of witches with all of their hopes.
You may think they scare me. You're probably right.
Black cats and goblins on Halloween night.
Trick or treat!"

Friday, September 25, 2009

Die Laughing! Lighter Side Of Horror Day 3

Today's trio of side-splitting scare-flicks features a reluctant descendant of a mad scientist, a Klown Kar full of aliens wielding cotton-candy machine guns, and Jim Carey.

1. Young Frankenstein- 'Its pronounced FRONKenSTEEN!'-- This Gene Wilder classic features Peter Boyle as the monster (yes, the dad from Everybody Loves Raymond) and just about the greatest rendition of 'Puttin' On The Writz' that you'll ever hear. Igor have a hunch that you are really going to enjoy this flick.

2. Killer Klowns From Outerspace- Who doesn't love a circus full of silly clowns? As it turns out, a lot of people. And with good reason. These Klowns, much like Joe Pesci in Goodfellas, are not here to amuse you. they are here to turn Bozo's into a sugary snack.

3. Once Bitten- This is a true 80's teen flick with a twist. An aging vampiress is in dire need of virgin blood. The only problem is, the 80's were full of promiscuity and there were no virgins to be had. Enter, Jim Carrey. Seduction and suction quickly follow as the vampiress literally sucks-off of Carey in an attempt to turn him into her leeching lap dog. Will she succeed? Or will Carey's girlfriend give up the goods to save his mortal life?

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Laugh At Death! Lighter Side of Horror, Day 2

Ok folks. Here we are with day 2 of the frighteningly funny. Today's installment features a machete-wielding, penis-less party pooper; a 100 foot softy sailor; and an instructional 'how-to' on becoming a slasher flick killer.

1. Club Dread- The 2nd (well 3rd if you count their college try (a terrible flick) Puddle Cruiser) movie put out by the Broken Lizard Comedy Troop...you know them as the guys from Super Troopers. Club Dread is a fun dark movie about a hedonistic Island resort full of horny 20 somethings circling around Jordan Ladd and Britney Daniel, and a washed up Jimmy Buffet style singer (played by Bill Paxton), that turns into a bloodbath as the spirit of a dick-less killer named Machete Phil Coletti goes on a rampage...or does he?

2. Ghostbusters! Need I say more? If you haven't seen this movie stop reading NOW and go get it! I don't care how...just do it...why are you still reading this? Ok, sorry. Bill Murray at his best; an unforgetable Rick Moranis; and a 100 foot marshmallow. Simply one of the greatest movies of all time.

3. Behind The Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon. This is a silly flick about a guy who hires a camera crew to follow him as he attempts horror movie style murders all the while providing insight as to how the Killer does what he (or she) does best. How does a killer who only appears to be walking catch up to a half naked screaming teen as she runs through the woods? Well, Leslie Vernon has your answer.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Halloween Horror Count Down Warm Up

8 days until the 31 Days of Halloween horror movie countdown begins! As a warm up, I've decided that over these 8 days I am going to have a variant countdown highlighting the lighter side of horror. These are the movies that make you laugh while characters are torn to shreds. As will be in my other countdown, these movies are NOT in any particular order. Just some good old fashion frightening, fear-flinging fun :). There are probably many out there who have seen a majority of these movies, but if you're someone who hasn't, start loading up your Netflix queue. Enjoy!

Today's picks:

1. Shaun Of The Dead- Probably the most well known horror comedy out there, Shaun is in my mind one of the funniest movies ever made AND it has a few decent gotcha moments to boot. If you like smart dry humor, zombies (ooops I said the 'Zed' word), and Grand Master Flash then this movie is for you.

2. Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein - From two of the greatest minds in entertainment, I present to you this classic. A star studded cast anchored by Lon Chaney (the Wolfman) and Dracula himself, Bela Lugosi. This hilarious movie highlights the 'Odd Couple' relationship of Bud and Lou magnificently as Dracula attempts to kill and steal the brain of a dim-witted union worker for the sake of trying to make the Frankenstein monster more pliable. A real classic!!

3. Clue- The original who-done-it. Clue is another one of my all time favorite movies. Super quotable and hilarious. Plus, for you scaredy cats out there, this one is pretty much spook free, though it has it share of murders :) If you haven't seen it then you're in for a treat! This movie will KILL your boredom, in the Living room, with shear genius.

That's all for today folks. Check me out tomorrow . Happy viewing

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Halloween Season Is Upon Us

Hello Tiraders,

After a much needed break, I'm back, sort of. I will be blogging, but I am going to change it up for the next month.

So, Halloween is my favorite holiday. I guess I have a strange draw to the dark side of things. With that said, there are plenty of other reasons why Halloween rocks:

-Its the one day of the year that you can wear a Superhero outfit and not feel like an outcast.

-It becomes acceptable to host horror movie marathons that start at 10am and end when the last person falls asleep(as I mentioned before I am a bit of a horror movie freak)


-Costume parties

-Scary decorations

Ok, in light of all of this I am going to, for the month of October, post a daily movie recommendation in a list I made, 'THE 31 DAYS of HALLOWEEN". Be on the lookout. In the mean time, I have created what I believe to be a pretty good Halloween party music mix that I would like to share with you all. You will notice the list excludes the "corny" traditional halloween songs (I.e. -"Monster Mash") but rather it is full of real songs that remind me of Halloween or are in any way creepy/scary. In my mix I sprinkled in audio clips from my favorite horror movies to make the overall listening experience a bit more creepy. (I left those clips off of the list as well) If you have any musical recommendations feel free. I am always looking to improve my party mixes. I hope you all enjoy this brief change of pace and I hope I bring to you some music and movies that you haven't heard/seen. Anyway, here is the list:

1. The Cramps- I Was a Teenage Werewolf
2. Rob Zombie- Dragula
3. The Ramones- Pet Cemetery
4. The Specials- Ghost Town
5. Nightmare Before Christmas- Grimm Grinning Ghosts
6. Warren Zevon- Werewolves of London
7. Ozzy Osborne- Bark at the Moon
8. Fresh Prince- Nightmare on My Street
9. The Who- Boris the Spider
10. Oingo Boingo- Weird Science
11. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds- Red Right Hand
12. Jim Carroll Band- People Who Died
13. Guess Who- Clap for the Wolfman
14. Ween- Voodoo Lady
15. John Fogerty- Wicked Old Witch
16. Whodini- Freaks Come Out at Night
17. Atlanta Rhythm Section- Spooky
18. Charlie Daniels Band- Devil Went Down to Georgia
19. Blue Oyster Cult- Don’t Fear The Reaper
20. Laura Branigan- Self Control
21. Dr. Demento- They’re Coming To Take Me Away
22. Johnny Cash- When the Man Comes Around
23. Duran Duran- Hungry Like the Wolf
24. Ac/Dc- Hells Bells
25. Alice Cooper- Feed My Frankenstein
26. Richard Cheese- Down With the Sickness
27. B-52’s- Devil in My Car
28. Metallica- Enter Sandman
29. Halloween Theme Song
30. CCR- I Put A Spell On You
31. Alice in Chains- Them Bones
32. Dead or Alive- Something in My House
33. Dixie Cups- Iko Iko
34. Alice Cooper- Welcome to my Nightmare
35. ICP- Every Halloween
36. The Dickies- Killer Klowns from Outer Space
37. Elvis- Devil in Disguise
38. Ray Parker Jr.- Ghostbusters
39. Friday the 13th Theme Song
40. Iron Maiden- Hallowed Be Thy Name
41. Johnny Cash- Ghost Riders in the Sky
42. Ministry- Every Day is Halloween
43. INXS- Devil Inside
44. Steve Miller Band- Abracadabra
45. Michael Jackson- Thriller
46. Gnarls Barkley- Run
47. Blue Oyster Cult- Joan Crawford
48. Jaws Theme Song
49. Little Shop of Horrors- Mean Green Mother From Outer Space
50. John Fogerty- Eye of the Zombie
51. Nightmare Before Christmas- This is Halloween
52. Oingo Boingo- Dead Man’s Party
53. J. Geils Band- Fright Night
54. Rob Zombie- More Human Than Human
55. Talking Heads- Psycho Killer
56. Antsy Pants- I am a Vampire
57. Rockwell- Somebody’s Watching Me
58. Rolling Stones- Paint it Black
59. Iron Butterfly- Ina Gadda Da Vida
60. The Kinks- Wicked Annabella
61. Rocky Horror Picture Show- Time Warp

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Lots To Do

Dear Blogger friends. Thank you for your loyalty to my blog thus far. I truly appreciate it. I am just writing this to let you all know that I am taking a little break from blogging to focus on some other work. I will stop your blogs periodically to read what you are up to. I don't yet know if this will be a week long break or a month long break, but it will be a break. Until then, take good care.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Someone Give This Guy A Hand

Ok, here's an article about yet another group of people without common sense. This story comes out of Florida. Home to such past gems as (self-pimpage warning): The Most Important Meal, For the Love of Mummy, and a few others, this ridiculous tale doesn't suprise me the least bit.

Steve Valdez, a man with two prosthetic arms, tried to cash a check his wife wrote at the Bank of America where she has an account, but when he got to the counter he was faced with a true dilemma. The genius teller told him he couldn't cash the check without providing thumbprint identificaiton. Do you see the dilemma here? No arms = no thumbs. When Valdez explained the impossibiliy of this request and provided her with 2 forms of ID, she got her supervisor who basically thumbed her nose up at him and said his options are to either have his wife come in or open a separate account.

Now as a general rule of thumb, I am somewhat understanding when it comes to an employee following company policy. Hell, I've, at times, even given people a big thumbs up for following the rules. But this instance of 'I'm just doing my job' makes me want to rise up. These people can stck their thumbs up their butts and spin.

That's basically what Valdez told said. He pretty much told them to take a hike (though he didn't do the gesture). He then warned them of their violations under the Americans with Disabilites Act and that they will have a field day with this.

The Bank supervisor conceded his point and challenged him to a winner take all thumb-wrestling match. Ok, I made that part up, but seriously she might as well have considering how obsurd this whole story is. BUT a spokesperson for the Bank of America DID say that the supervisor should have caught on to how illogical she was being and provided Valdez with another option, but sometimes their employees are all thumbs...Ok, that didn't happen either.

What actually happen was a man was put in an unimaginable and embarrassing position due to the inability of a couple of bank tellers to use common sense....but, I don't want to point fingers.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

And Your Point Is...

A fellow blogger friend, Tennyson posted a reflective blog today contemplating and questioning our purpose here on Earth. He did so, not in a pot-headed , star-staring kind of way; but in a genuine moment of wonderment. From the most 'righteously religious' of us, all the way to the 'sinful sinners', I think we're all conflicted with questions of our true purpose at some point. I know that I have contemplated these things. Here are a few poems I've written with this in mind:

The Rebirth of Daniel Webster

I must admit that most mornings I’ve awakened humbled by the knowledge you’ve provided me. I’d rise from my catacomb, resurrected from my slumber and jump up the steps of a stairway built on promises for those willing to never mind their surroundings and leap. I’ve drunk from fermented vines and I’ve feasted on mountains of breads by the dozen, until only a clast of supper remained. I’ve clasped onto the beads of your truth and skimmed through the pages of your biography. I’ve borrowed your compass to navigate the seas because at times when I didn’t,
I found myself flooded without an olive branch to cling to or a dove to find it. Yet, I feel like I’ve been waiting forever for your eternity and the virtues you pride yourself on begetting upon me have gotten lost in free drafts of my living will. I am weary of waiting the accruement of my essential value. What is the going rate for one of these things anyway?

This one is an elegy:


Treading between vestal statues like
Mars incarnate, they stagger in groups down
the cobblestone path, beyond overgrown patches
of pachysandra and ivy-veined cinder. Passing
thru the limestone archway to the father’s chalice
to wash their unchaste faces. Like migrants, they register
their arrival and reestablish familiar villages sailing along
memories of our shared voyages and discoveries.
Seawater batters the floorboard like a monsoon
over a Siracusan fishing boat. Their patent leathers and pumps
swab the hull as they single file down the plank and fall
to their knees as the vigils light dims.

Within the burnt-cedar humidor I lie
burning in the flames of regal gold
laina and anemone. Adonis
waiting to rejoin the womb of the myrrh.

Star Dust

Even the moon,
As it spirals closer to
Death, moves toward
The light.

That’s not a
Metaphor for religion,
But if I had only one

To my name,
I’d let it all ride on
Pascal’s wager.

We don’t know-
And those who claim to
Are also just human

I’m starting to be-
lieve in consciousness
And the Earth. Even we
Are recyclable.


As his hairs
burn out like scrub brush
in a wildfire as he stands barefoot
on the fetid floor tiles and looks
into his own eyes questioning his
atheism. Black rivers extend from
bursted blood vessels leading nowhere.
Oils smear his forehead like communal
consecration. His neck hinges toward
his feet. He feels the malignance of his
impotence pulling at his ability to change.
He is the murk of winter-
clutching almanacs like Bibles,
never turning from Mars. Praying for
vernal equinox to save his dimming
Saxon light.

Hallow Fills

Pressing the Earth, stretched at your feet
as the clouds dance around the moon.
An unusual place for summer retreat
where flesh feeds soil, new life ensues.
We lay beneath the spotted oak
spinning threads about our pasts.
Never minding the summer soak,
holding hands beneath the grass.
Writing notes against the stone.
Spoken words unspoken still.
We never attempted to atone
‘til we gazed from the hallow fills.
No longer strangers as we lie
beneath the gates, beneath the sky.