Our Lady of GRIDDLE-Lupe

Just as churches reach their all time low for religious service attendance and atheism reaches its all time high for deity denial, the truth has been revealed. That revelation happened just two days ago in Calexico, California where Our 'Lady of Guadalupe' manifested on a pancake griddle at the Las Palmas Restaurant.

I know what you are thinking...you're not doubting the Virgin Mary's return, but you refuse to believe that the mother of immaculate conception would appear as a stain on a griddle used to make breakfast pastries first created by Ancient Roman Pagans. Talk about blaspheming!

Ah..but it is true. According to the Associated Press, the Virgin Mary really gets around. After her failed attempts to gain notoriety for appearing on toast and in the form of a twisted pretzel, Mary was running out of options. But rather than calling in a favor to Hef, or working with Barrie Bernstein to spin the new reality TV show Real Housewives of Nazareth, Mary creped...ummm that's "creeped", into the Las Palmas and burned herself right into the restaurant's griddle.

I'd bet my last silver dollar that this is, in fact, not the Virgin Mary, but there are people who have come to Las Palmas in short stacks to see this so called miracle, which has since been enshrined, who would disagree with me...people like Mexican Lucha Libre wrestlers Renegado and Mr. Tempest, who are likely also fryers...I mean FRIARS, which I learned from Jack Black is sometimes the case. So maybe they know what they are talking about.

Look, I am not saying anything for or against the religious beliefs of others. I am just saying that anyone who believes that the mother of the son of the God in their religion, would appear on a griddle in some crummy restaurant, in a town next to nowhere, rather than, say, on the stage of the American 'Idol' finale, is stupid.