According to a new study by some obvious geniuses at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, fat people are one of the main causes for so called global warming. SO there you have it! Fat people are causing the ice caps to melt and our average temperatures to rise. See that...? Global warming is made by man and not cows...well not bovines anyway.
So if you believe that the biggest contributor to global warming is mankind, rather than that the temperature of Earth simply fluctuates over time, you have a more targeted group you can hold accountable.
The study claims that fat people contribute to global warming more than thin people because (are you ready for this?) "it takes more energy to move heavier people, transportation of heavier people requires more fuel, which creates more greenhouse gas emissions". Totally makes sense to me...I mean fat people eat a lot. They sweat a lot. They breathe very deeply and heavily...How is it that they didn't figure this out sooner. Really? Just stupid.
Does anyone else see how out of hand this whole 'global warming' thing is getting. Soon enough we will be told by our governments how much energy we can consume and taxed VERY highly to consume it. And then, welcome to 1984. Already, we have companies out there that monitor carbon footprints and offer carbon credits (for large monetary sums) to businesses and individuals so that they can use as much energy as they want without feeling guilty about it. You know like flying around in private jets or, like Al Gore (a part owner in one of these companies) using more energy per month than 20 average size American families. Then these companies say they use the money to invest in projects that focus on reducing greenhouse gases. Talk about a total scam. I'm willing to bet that the majority of the money that these carbon offset companies take in is squandered...but you don't have to believe me.
In light of this new finding that FAT PEOPLE = the end of the world, perhaps these carbon offset companies should merge with fast food joints. This will open up a whole new path to scamming people out of their money. Just imagine a world where you don't have to feel guilty about Super Sizing you meals. You can simply pay a FAT Tax for french fry offsets, and shovel away. That's the world I want to live in.
We're all going to have to just come to the understanding that fat people leave behind a bigger carbon cheeseburger-print than thin people. And something needs to be done about it.
Original article found here: http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/04/20/thin.global.warming/index.html