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Am I a superhero? Or just a lunatic that wears a cape...and rants?

Monday, July 13, 2009

Mannequins Make The Best Lovers

Have you ever fantasized about Kim Cattrall? -You know, seeing past the plastic exterior that is her body and fall in love with the woman inside, ultimately breaking the Egyptian curse that she'd apparently been trapped by for thousands of years?

If you have, then I have a wonderful surprise for you. Your fantasies are now a reality thanks to Johan Rizki, of the Amora Sex Academy Museum in London and Berlin. This museum features 50 interactive displays of mannequins bumping together their anatomically incorrect plastic pelvises. This interactive dispaly is said to be a teaching tool offering helpful tips to sexually inept couples guaranteeing them a future of fantastic fornication. Thanks to this innovative display, not only will you become a better lover, but you'll no longer have to feel embarrassed about going from 6 to midnight after staring at the Victoria's Secret display window in the mall.

Men, you might have always wondered...'Is the clit real?'

Women, ever pondered...'Should I work the tip or go for the gusto?'

Sadly, answers to these questions and more are now right at your fingertips. Literally. For those who like to get their hands sticky plasticky, there is a mannequin that lights up and even screams with delight when you find its G-spot. Never mind the hundreds of onlookers with camera phones; its a small price to pay when you're giving an oversized doll a reach around.

Ever wonder where the pleasure/pain line is when giving your lover a leather lasso lashing? Well the museum's "Spank-O-Meter" is just the thing for you. Go ahead and whip this mannequins plastic posterior and her robotically recorded voice will let you know when you go from Casanova to Chris Brown.

Want to learn about the sexual positions that will help you lose the most weight? They have a display for you too. At this display, you will learn all about the "Italian Chandelier' which is said to burn up to 920 calories per hour and I can only assume is a position in which you hang upside down from the ceiling inside a crystal light bulb holder and try to finish before it breaks loose and you fall to you death...I might be off on that one.

So if you are in the London or Berlin area and want to go down on go see mannequins having sex (which I couldn't see why anyone wouldn't), then visit the Amora Sex Academy and fulfill your plasto-philic fantasies.

To the men readers: If you are nowhere near London OR Berlin, and are nowhere near confident in your techniques, then I suggest you stop fumbling around and take a trip over to Teacup's very informative blogs on the subject and learn yourself a thing or two.


  1. Have I ever fantasised about Kim Catrall? What kind of question is that to ask?

    I do feel you should give your readers some warning about what you’ve linked to from the word ‘gusto’. I thought I was going to see a picture of an erect penis. I was rather disturbed by what I saw instead.

  2. @ Simon- Hahah...yea, I thought that one would be fun for anyone ready to click it.

  3. Oh, good Lord! A plug from The Caped Tirader himself! Now, where should I put it... ?

    All through this post, I was thinking: "I fucking need to get on the next plane to London. I've got a hot date with a mannequin or 10!"

    I love you, Caped Tirader!

    NB: The clitoris is REAL, people! Find one today! Hope you managed to learn a thing or two from that post, CT.

    (And I love that you linked to the Clit Commander scene. Jay and Silent Bob is one of the greatest movies of all time...)

  4. @Teacup- It was the least I could do :)
    I would definitely check it out if I weren't across the Atlantic. Yea, thanx for the tips, tho I happen to pride myself on being a pro. :)

    BTW- Jay & Silent Bob rocks..."Oh, the Clit is real...its the female orgasm. That's the myth." hahahah

  5. Hey! wandered into your territory from Lola's site. Great stuff, high-fives all around.

  6. @imitsky- hey thanx a lot. Welcome aboard

  7. Mannequins bumping uglies?! BIZARRE! I wanna see!

  8. @Lila- I hope they open one in the States


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