A Few More Poems

Thought I'd throw a few more poems up here. These are some fun ones as opposed to the military ones I posted the other day. Hope you enjoy.


Sharks in a Tub

My irrational fear of
Sharks causes me to
Do a double-take into
A glass of water before
I take a drink

Thanks to Peter Benchley
And the ice in the pool fiasco
I’ve limited my relationships
With water to-

The shower
And
The hot tub

One for the desire to be clean
The other- with the hopes of
Getting dirty like they do in
All of those reality TV shows-
Cameras optional on both accounts

I did notice how fast my mind
Swims from fears to fantasies and
Not once have I checked beneath
The bubbles in the Jacuzzi for the

Jaws of a Great White,
But I guess that’s the
Power that even just the idea
Of sex has over me

****

Super Dooper

The grill wouldn’t light again.
The gas-full blast
The burners- wide open
The igniter- fucked!
Until
CLICK! And in a flash
Fireballs shot from all three
Burners at me like the
Breath of an ancient Chimera.
I didn’t move.
There was no time
And my arms,
They’re hairy, man. But
I didn’t catch.
The flames danced around me
Like the devils minions.
The answer was obvious,
I am a Superhero.
Impervious to fire-
Retardant, if you will.

I went to bed plotting
How I would fight crime-
Save lives.
The next morning I sprung up
From bed and dashed
To the kitchen for breakfast,
But what do Superheroes eat?
Chocolate Pop Tarts, of course.
I popped those suckers into
The toaster and flashed
To the fridge.
I ripped the milk out and
Took a swig with one hand fisted
At my hip like, well,
Like all the other Superheroes do.

CLICK! The Pop Tarts leaped
From the fire like they were
Ready to soar.
I threw my hand out and
Clutched one of the SuperTarts
OOOW! The son of a bitch
Burned me! The chocolate seeped
Through the top and
Burned the shit out of my hand!

…So I took off
My tights and cape,
And got ready for work.