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Am I a superhero? Or just a lunatic that wears a cape...and rants?

Monday, June 22, 2009

Caped Controversy 6/22

In Caped Controversy blog posts I will pit participants from controversial or media hyped events against each other and declare a winner.

Venue: Naked Pillow Fight (free for all) on a Queen sized bed

Participants: Sascha Baron Cohen vs. Brian Graden (President of LOGO) w/ 3rd Rail Media, and a few overly sensitive members of the gay community (AKA The G-Unit) ringside

Hype: Cohen has once again made enemies with his 'over the top' movie characters. This time, some members of the G-Unit are targeting his character BRUNO as harmful to their cause. In the height of the PC era, its safe to say that few actors have pushed the envelope farther than Cohen. With Bruno it is no different. Is he stereotypical"?- Yes. Over the top? -Yes. Poking fun at gays?- Of course. And? Well, after countless appearances, prancing around in a thong on TV to promote his movie, Cohen was finally challenged to a fight to the death... in the form of a naked pillow fight.

The Match: We pick up this match already under way and feathers a'flying as random members of the G-Unit keep skipping dandily from the bedposts onto the bed and swinging wildly at Cohen. Cohen, a highly trained master of mano-a-mano naked bed fighting (as proven in Borat) has thus far successfully dodged the limp-wristed lounges of his opponents. Until this point Cohen had emerged without a scratch. That was until, Brian Graden and 3rd Rail Media loaded their pillow with bricks....of film footage. Coming on at Cohen from both sides like a male bondage video and swinging the fully loaded pillows fiercely and ungayly unhappily. They hit him with footage of interviews with some Hollywood insiders who condemn his portrayal of homosexuals.

The Result: It appeared to be all but over for Cohen as the G-Unit had him pinned, belly down on the bed, gagging him with a wad of feathers. Just as they were about to ride Cohen into submission, a reporter on the video tried to take one more devastating swing at him by ....(are you ready for this?) comparing the character Bruno to the bigoted 'blackface' characters portrayed in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. But, this overeager Patriot Gay-triot (I believe I might have just made that up :) ) missed Cohen and hit other members of the G-Unit with his ridiculous and overreaching suggestion rendering them impotent. Cohen finished off the remaining members of the G-Unit with a booty shake dance to some bad Austrian techno music and emerged victorious. Not only is this outrage unfounded, it will ultimately help ticket sales. People love controversy. COHEN WINS!

This entry was intentionally politically incorrect. Bruno is obviously not a threat to the advancement of gay rights. If anything, it points out how ridiculous all of the controversy is. Frivilous outrage by communities attempting to advance their cause only end up hurting it.


  1. I can't wait to see Bruno! People can be so oversensitive about things. I don't think Bruno will be a threat to the advancement of gay rights either.

  2. Yea...I'm not overly excited about the Bruno movie. But, I like Cohen's work so I'll eventually check it out

  3. The best part about Cohen's movies is that no group is safe from ridicule. That's why I love him. And when is Ali G gonna get a movie?

  4. I thought they made an Ali G movie a long time ago that wasn't very successful...

  5. Oh, Caped Tirader, I read this post when you first published it but have been super slack/busy and forgot to comment... BUT! I think this match-up was doomed from the start... I mean, come on? Sacha Baron Cohen has been wrestling men for years! Oh wait, you said that... D'oh!

    I love you just a little bit more for this line: this overeager Patriot Gay-triot (I believe I might have just made that up :) ). GOLD!

  6. hahah, Thanx for the compliments. Its always great when a good writer tells you your stuff is good :)


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