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Am I a superhero? Or just a lunatic that wears a cape...and rants?

Thursday, April 30, 2009

It Must Feel Like A Bomb Is About To Go Off

The Smoking Gun (Smoking Gun story) reported the other day that Terry Nichols, convicted murderer and accomplice to Timothy McVeigh, is suing the prison in which he resides for serving low-fiber diets which have caused him to have "chronic constipation, bleeding, hemorrhoids."

Ok, first of all, this shit head and McVeigh murdered 168 people making them public enema #1. The fact that they feed him anything on our dollar is beyond me. Secondly, who is the scumbag lawyer who is taking up this shitty case?

In his complaint Nichols wrote: "God created mankind to consume unrefined whole foods" that work "in a synergistic way to keep one's body (i.e. God's holy temple) in good health to ward off various diseases."

So what he is saying is, that he blew up 168 Holy Temples. I love it how guys like this try to 'find religion' and then distort Biblical text to support their insignificant plight. Maybe, he has found religion...Maybe the chronic constipation is really just a resurrection of the pain Christ felt...his bleeding ass - the stigmata...and his hemorrhoids- well, probably just hemorrhoids.

Not surprisingly, this idiot's complaint has drawn support from other murderers including Eric Rudolph, better known as the scum that set off bombs in abortion clinics and at the 1996 Summer Olympics in Atlanta. With support like that, Nichols should be feeling soft and loose...About the case that is.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

What Do You Have On Draught

I read an article from the Associated Press this morning about police officers in North Dakota who responded to a domestic disturbance call made by a woman(Stacey Anvarnia) claiming that she was beaten by her boyfriend (Delbert Harrison). When they got to the scene, they came across a bruised-up and allegedly intoxicated Anvarnia who, in the middle of questioning, whipped out her boob and began breastfeeding her 6 week old kid; and I immediately asked myself the same question you are asking...Could that get me drunk? Good question and the answer is; it depends on how much you like egg nog; which is my guess as to what that would be like.

To answer everyone's second question; yes, they charged this lady with criminal negligence. The thing is, the cops didn't give her a blood test to determine her level of intoxication. My guess is that one of the officers just stuck his head under the tap and took a shot, though that assumption wasn't confirmed in the article.

Aside from the fairly universal fact that any woman who dispenses alcohol from her boobs is a fulfillment of male fantasy; if Anvarnia is guilty of these charges, she is just sick and enraging. Just another unfit mother contributing to the destruction of a child's life.

The strange thing about this whole story is that neither the article nor the police incident report say whether Anvarnia's boyfriend was charged. I guess the lure of boobs and booze is so powerful over us all that even the cops forgot why they initially went there...

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Man Gives Himself The Finger

You wanna talk about a guy who is dedicated to getting a point across?

I read on a News page today that Serbian union officials in Belgrade were protesting for past wages due to them by a textile company that hadn't paid some of them in as long as a couple years (providing them with only a few "social benefits, like free healthcare"). Without money, these workers have been forced into extreme poverty causing them to live in terrible conditions. Conditions which could easily drive people into madness.

Enter, Zoran Bulatovic.

In order to illustrate just how desperate these workers are for food, Bulatovic cut off his own finger and then proceeded to eat it. Yeah, you read that right. HE CUT OFF AND ATE HIS OWN FINGER. That is dedication to a cause! Crazy? Undoubtedly, but aside from proving that starvation leads to insanity, it also proves that You Don't Mess With The ZORAN...I guess this guy will at least now be able to take advantage of his free healthcare benefits.

As if that isn't crazy enough, Bulatovic was quoted stating, "They will postpone planned self-mutilations at least until talks with government officials in Belgrade expected Tuesday." WHAT?! I don't know where you stand on this issue, but I think that slowly carving yourself into mince meat and eating the pieces is probably the best route to take when you are trying to prove that you are the voice of reason.

Seriously though, I may make some tasteless jokes, but if a story like this doesn't effectively illustrate the terrible state that many countries around the world are in, I don't know what will.
I don't need to read a story like this to recognize that I am really lucky to live in America. I truly feel bad for people who live in war-torn countries with governments that seemingly couldn't care less if their citizens perish.

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSTRE53Q4VA20090427

Monday, April 27, 2009

This Little Piggy Went to Mexico...Then The Hospital

As I sit here this morning, eating my Taylor Ham sandwich, and reading about the state of emergency being declared due to the swine flu on Reuters website, the same question keeps flashing into my head like a bacon...umm, that's *beacon* of reason. The question is: Why would anyone go to Mexico?

I'm sorry, but Mexico is a shithole; and that my friends, is why so many from there risk their lives to get the hell out. Oddly, I have some friends that moved there and love it. I just can't figure out for the life of me why anyone would travel to a place where, roughly 4 thousand years after the Greeks started doing it, they haven't figured out how to produce potable water. One could argue that Mexico is not a shithole and that its just the border-towns that give it a bad name, but if you are 4 thousand years behind the curve...you see where I'm going with this.

Anyway, so now we have a new swine flu scare. The facts are, influenza is a decently scary virus. It mutates very often; various strains kill between 250,000-500,000 people per year (and in some instances like in 1968, close to 1 million); and if that weren't enough, there have been times in history where, as it happened it 1976, the vaccines created to prevent the flu create bigger problems like Guillain-Barre syndrome.

Should you be worried about this? Are pigs everywhere banding together in an evil plot to rid the Earth of humans and take over the world using biological warfare? Probably not. Thus far, there have been ~1,600 suspected patients in Mexico since April with 22 confirmed deaths; and pretty much everywhere else that the strain has been identified, people are pretty much recovering just fine. If the virus does mutate into something that causes a global pandemic, then you could start worrying. Until then, I am going to do my part to fight off General Porky Pig and the Swine Legion by eating as many of them as I can.

Everyone should obviously take precautions. If you feel sick, go to the doctor just like with anything else. I think for now, most of us are safe. BUT, eventually some virus will mutate into a strain that we can't contain and begin weeding out populations; and then Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-That's all folks! http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7CclVneVpw

Friday, April 24, 2009

AM I Calling At a Bad Time?

Man, I hate cell phones! I hate cell phones. I hate those stupid fucking, flashing, wanna-be secret service earpieces. I hate that people think that their incoming call is the most important occurrence at any given moment. What is it about a cell phone that makes the user of it turn into a mindless, thoughtless drone when it rings (usually very loudly playing some shitty song)?

I just read an article from the Associated Press about a pregnant chick in North Carolina who was in the middle of robbing a bank- yes, you read that right... pregnant bank robber- when all of a sudden, her phone rang. You can guess the next part, but I'll tell you any way. As intelligent as this socially/morally responsible expecting mother seems to be, the moron got distracted and picked up her phone and started talking to her friend MID ROBBERY. And she forgot to take the money she was trying to steal. I would have LOVED to hear that conversation: Hello? No.. I can talk...nothin', just over at the bank opening a trust fund for my baby... Fucking idiot!

Forget the robbery and how much I hate cell phones for a minute to focus on the important part of the story. This disgraceful waste of space is PREGNANT. That's right. This robbery-botching, cell phone addict is bringing a child into this world. One that, no doubt, she will raise to be a fine upstanding citizen such as herself. I just hope that the North Carolina tax payers appreciate this gift that they will all be receiving and paying for pretty soon.

Hopefully the cops catch up with the mom-of-the-year before reality TV writers have a chance to pitch their new show idea, Robbermom - a show about a loving mother who almost risked it all for her in utero child...until the phone rang, to network executives. Maybe they could air it in conjunction with a show about that crazy broad with the eight kids...

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Cops Raided His Anatomy and Found...

Let me ask you something. If you were sitting at home one night watching the News and you saw your face on a hotel surveillance camera video from a hotel where you had recently robbed and murdered a professionally paid "stress relief specialist" to help pay off your gambling debts, what would you do?

I'm thinking a good idea for you to cover your tracks would be to grab the handgun you used and the pair of panties you took from her as a souvenir; and then hide them in your copy of Henry Gray's Anatomy of the Human Body because, really, it's not likely that the cops would follow a lead such as video surveillance. And even if they did, they'd never believe that you were ironic enough to try to cover up a murder by hiding an article of clothing created to cover up the part of your victim's anatomy that she was selling over Craigslist, in an anatomy book...

Ok. So I'm not saying that Philip Markoff is the now notorious "Craigslist Killer", but if the plastic cuff restraints fit...he probably did it. I'm not a jury, so whatever.

Even if he didn't do it, but by some horrible twist of fate he coincidentally came across a bag in an alleyway containing some panties and a gun and thought to himself, "I need these...these would look good on both me and my bookshelf", you'd think that after the video surveillance was publicized he might have been smart enough to get rid of that stuff. He is a Med. Student after all.

If he is found guilty, I say fry him without remorse. I definitely believe in the death penalty for murderous scum. Instead though, defense lawyers will probably get him out of the death penalty by convincing a jury of something like: The pressures of Medical School forced him to start relieving stress by playing cards and soliciting escorts; and that the real criminals are the institution of gambling and Craigslist. After all, it's not his fault that gambling is so fun. Nor is it his fault that Craigslist is running rampant with prostitution...He's the real victim here. His murdering of those escorts was a righteous act against hedonistic behavior.

They are already toying with the idea of shutting down Craigslist's solicitation pages because, obviously, without access to it, Markoff would probably have never killed anyone. Morons!! People who believe that are the same people who blame McDonalds for peoples' health problems rather than the fact that some just won't put their fork down.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

UNDER THERE!! Under where?......UNDERWEAR

Since there are no real issues for our Supreme Court to handle they decided to spend some time on Tuesday (4/21) debating about exactly what middle school students might hide in their underwear during school, AND what actions school officials should take when they suspect that a student might be "crotching".

This debate is in response to a case from 2003 where a 13 year old female eighth-grader from Arizona, was suspected of hiding Ibuprofen in her underwear because another student gave school officials a tip. From this tip, they decided to strip search her, making her "shake her bra and pull aside her panties."...What?! "Umm, excuse me Vice Principal Pervert...I think Savana's crotch has a headache because I saw her give it an aspirin." "Well, thanks little Jimmy, I better go have a closer look."

Shouldn't the debate be about how to charge the school officials for being gross? If they suspected this girl of having Motrin in her draws, they should have called in the cops and her parents. How far did they take it? Did they dim the lights and break out some wrinkled up dollar bills? Well, ok...probably not, but still, isn't that a bit distrubing? Besides, it was Ibuprofen they were looking for, not crack...or maybe it was crack they were looking for....eeeew!

During the debate, Justice Stephen Breyer stated that when he was in school "In my experience when I was 8 or 10 or 12 years old, you know, we did take our clothes off once a day...And in my experience, too, people did sometimes stick things in my underwear.” What?! I wanna know where that school is!

Where is the logic here? I understand locker and backpack searches, or making a kid empty his/her pockets because there is rarely a chance of school officials exposing a 13 year old kid's private parts while searching those, unless the kid is a protégé of Jame Gumb or something; but seriously, strip searches? How about cavity searches? I mean, maybe these kids are muling drugs back and forth to Columbia during lunch for the cafeteria ladies. You can never be too careful.

Kids are little sneaky bastards, but we should draw a line between the authorities of the school and the need for police assistance. That line should probably be the panty line...just a thought.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Global Warming is Man Made...FAT MAN Made

According to a new study by some obvious geniuses at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, fat people are one of the main causes for so called global warming. SO there you have it! Fat people are causing the ice caps to melt and our average temperatures to rise. See that...? Global warming is made by man and not cows...well not bovines anyway.

So if you believe that the biggest contributor to global warming is mankind, rather than that the temperature of Earth simply fluctuates over time, you have a more targeted group you can hold accountable.

The study claims that fat people contribute to global warming more than thin people because (are you ready for this?) "it takes more energy to move heavier people, transportation of heavier people requires more fuel, which creates more greenhouse gas emissions". Totally makes sense to me...I mean fat people eat a lot. They sweat a lot. They breathe very deeply and heavily...How is it that they didn't figure this out sooner. Really? Just stupid.

Does anyone else see how out of hand this whole 'global warming' thing is getting. Soon enough we will be told by our governments how much energy we can consume and taxed VERY highly to consume it. And then, welcome to 1984. Already, we have companies out there that monitor carbon footprints and offer carbon credits (for large monetary sums) to businesses and individuals so that they can use as much energy as they want without feeling guilty about it. You know like flying around in private jets or, like Al Gore (a part owner in one of these companies) using more energy per month than 20 average size American families. Then these companies say they use the money to invest in projects that focus on reducing greenhouse gases. Talk about a total scam. I'm willing to bet that the majority of the money that these carbon offset companies take in is squandered...but you don't have to believe me.

In light of this new finding that FAT PEOPLE = the end of the world, perhaps these carbon offset companies should merge with fast food joints. This will open up a whole new path to scamming people out of their money. Just imagine a world where you don't have to feel guilty about Super Sizing you meals. You can simply pay a FAT Tax for french fry offsets, and shovel away. That's the world I want to live in.

We're all going to have to just come to the understanding that fat people leave behind a bigger carbon cheeseburger-print than thin people. And something needs to be done about it.

Original article found here: http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/04/20/thin.global.warming/index.html

Monday, April 20, 2009

Scum-Dog Hundred Thousand-aire

In the News yesterday, I read a report that the father (Rafiq Qureshi) of the little girl (Rubina Ali) from Slumdog Millionaire tried to sell her to a Russian family for just under $300K saying he "needs to do what's best for Rubina's future." Also stating that Rubina (but really he means he and Rubina's stepmom) were not compensated appropriately from the "Hollywood execs" behind the award winning film, and that they are "forcing him to put her up for sale".

Now, I have no love for the operations of Hollywood, so I'll address that in a minute. BUT, its funny how, now, only after there was no big payday to be had from his daughter's role in the film, it is important for young Rubina's future that she be illegally sold like a pet to some Russian family whose intentions for her are unknown. If the movie hadn't been made or she wasn't picked, he would have more than likely tried to sell her anyway, however, without her recent "star power", he wouldn't be able to ask for as much; and, therefore, would have probably sold her into prostitution on the streets of Calcutta. Seriously, what a scum-dog!

This obviously has nothing to do with the well being of his daughter. I don't have the first clue of how difficult life there is other than what I've seen and read about it, but anyone who would sell their child doesn't deserve him/her. This poor little girl should be riding a new wave into the good life after her role in Slumdog Millionaire, which really was a fantastic movie; but, instead, she has to wake up each morning with the knowledge that her father is looking to cash her in for a 'good life' of his own. And as for this Russian family-what kind of people would try to buy a kid in an illegal exchange, let alone for $300K. I'm thinking people who are looking to turn a profit later either through attempted acting or through, yet again, prostitution. This isn't inevitable.

Perhaps, Rubina should be removed from Qureshi's home and placed somewhere safe. If only Jamal would come to Latika's rescue once more.

Now, about these douchey Hollywood execs. They know whats right and wrong. Regardless of contracts (which everyone knows they had some snake lawyer fill with loopholes and double-talk) they should adjust monetary compensations to the stars of this movie based on its incredible ticket and DVD sales. All I ever hear about from La-La-Land, CA. is that we need to show more charity towards others and how uncompassionate we are and blah, blah, blah. But that's what these Hollywood execs do. Talk, talk, talk and then spend their evenings patting themselves on the back and snorting coke off the bare back of a poor young Indian prostitute by way of Russia. Sickening! I really hope some ethical and logical people step in and do what is right by Rubina, making it a trend to actually help kids like her instead of just yapping.

BTW- If anyone out there wants to see a documentary about what life is really like in those slums, rent: 'Born Into Brothels'. It is insightful.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Gimme My Tree-Fitty

I'm sure you all know that on April 3rd, a man (Jiverly Wong) went crazy in Binghamton, NY taking a ton of hostages before killing 13 people plus himself in an ordeal that lasted about 4 hours and for safety purposes required that the police place a nearby accounting office building on lock down until the scene was secure.
Now the obvious question is: were the accounting clerks in the nearby building able to leave and take their union mandated lunch break during all this? The answer, No, though they were provided with pizza and soda during this time. Case closed right? We can all rest?...NOPE

Not if you are James Kauchis. Kauchis, a clerk in that nearby building filed a formal complaint requesting monetary compensation for missing his lunch break. Fuck the hostages, he needed a $5 foot-long and those bastard cops wouldn't let him out. In fact HE was being held hostage! After all, it’s not his fault that the American Civic Association picked the WONG guy to mess with. WHAAAT THEEE FUUUCK?!?!
Someone needs to send this guy a $5 foot in the ass! Can we be a little more self-centered and uncompassionate? The good news, common sense prevailed and the director of the county’s personnel department denied Kauchis his tree-fitty. Hopefully he isn’t the next one to go on a terrible rampage. I, for one, also get cranky when I don’t get to go out for lunch.

To read more about this terrible crime, click here:
http://www.pressconnects.com/article/20090414/NEWS01/904140382

Oh yeah, and to read about the ACA shootings, click here:
http://www.cityofbinghamton.com/department.asp?zone=Dept-Projects-Initiatives&pid=89&pm=page

All sarcasm aside, this was a terrible tragedy. May the victims R.I.P

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Quick Quip

I have come to the realization that most people who cite the Constitution and/or the Bible as sources to support their beliefs and/or opinions, have no idea what is contained in either one.

Maybe I'll touch on this more later...

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Dutch-Bags

I read an article today that on a Dutch show called Devil's Advocate, they held a mock trial of Osama Bin Laden where they exonerated that piece of Shi'ite from the 9/11 attacks citing that there was no concrete evidence linking him to the attacks. Apparently a video-taped bragged admission to orchestrating the attacks that killed 2,996 of our men, women, and children and destroyed their families, combined with the slew of terrorists attacks preceding and following are simply not proof positive enough for some.

So, what's the big deal? Its just a few Netherlunatics on a TV show attempting to prove OBL's innocence using a real lawyer in front of a studio audience...its not real, its just a show. True, but so is American Idol and have you seen how many morons vote for contestants based off of the judgments made by Paula Abdul? I mean granted, she is one of the most genius minds since Carl from Sling Blade, but...Stupidity like this pours gasoline on conspiracy fires increasing their reach.

What are the implications of things like this? Well, lets say a certain extremist sect of our society gets their way and people like Bin Laden gain Miranda rights and protection under our Constitution. He no doubt has the money to hire as many ACLU lawyers as he wants. If a defense attorney who has enough time on his hands to perform in a mock trial on a TV show can convince people that OBL is innocent, how hard do you think it would be for slip-and-fall ACLU lawyers with HUGE political connections to conjur reasonable doubt in a jury hand-picked by them?
Far fetched? Maybe, maybe not. Just something to think about.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Can You Sext me Now? (coming soon to a Verizon commercial near you)

Vermont's State Slogan is currently: Vermont, Naturally. Which is pretty fucking stupid to begin with, but in light of the states current attempts to legalize 'sexting' between teens ranging in age from 13-18, they should change their slogan to something like: Vermont is for pedophiles, or, Vermont, a place where your kids can roam free...and naked. What the fuck are they thinking? 13 year olds?

For those of you who don't know what 'sexting' is, it is the exchange of nude photos/video through cell phones. So, basically, its the free transfer of porn from one person to another that the state thinks is a good idea to open up to kids who just barely learned where their 'naughty parts' are and what they do! Does anyone else see a problem with this? I don't know if making this legal will cause the cell phone waves to become flooded with nudey pics, but I do know that kids are less likely to do shit when there is a fear instilled in them over the legality of their actions. SO, for arguements sake, lets say that this rule passes and kids start sending each other photos of their respective innys and outeys. After a while, photos of these kids' junk are bound to get into the hands of adult perverts.

If there ever was an opening for a HUGE influx of child porn to hit the Net and get into the hands of pedophiles, its a ruling like this. Not to mention that if this ruling passes and pedophiles are caught with child porn, there will be legal loopholes that scumbag lawyers will be able to angle and use to get hard sex offenders off (pun, pun). Now, these pedophiles know where all the 'free spirited kids' live and where they are least likely to be charged. Inevitable? No, but in the equation: nude kids + self shot photos/videos + legal loopholes = a pedophiles wet dream; definitely true. The good news in all of this is that if Vermont's job market is in dire need of crossing guards, or ice cream men, or party clowns, or candy store owners, or people who are interested of financing used vans with blacked out windows; they may soon fill their quotas.

On a side note. I wonder if Verizon will get into the mix and add monthly Sext messaging plans to their contracts...

Monday, April 13, 2009

Jesus Has Finally Been Immortalized

Since his crucifixion, approximately 1,970 years ago, people have rendered stories, images, and structures of faith in attempts to immortalize Jesus Christ. These attempts to immortalize Jesus, though great, all fall a bit short of proving what they aimed to...I mean The Bible? Great story! Divinci's Last Supper? Good try. The construction of a religious system based off of his ressurection? Eh... Finally, thanks to a church in Stockholm, Jesus has finally been immortalized in a manner suitable for a King. INTRODUCING TO EVERYONE:

LEGO CHRIST!!


That's right nonbelievers. You can now convert with confidence! In a shift from monetary tithings to 'toythings' a church in Vasteras, Sweden asked churchgoers to, instead of money, donate 10% of their Lego collections resulting in nearly 30,000 Lego pieces donated. The churchgoers reluctantly deconstructed their to-scale deathstar replicas and pirate ships with functioning masts to assist in the recreation of the ressurection depicting Jesus, proving that not only did he rise from his tomb to be reunited with God, but that he came back as a grey-plastic, expressionless shapeshifter from Denmark. The downside to this is the that the Consumer Product Safety Commitee has issued a warning to the public that Jesus is no longer safe for children under 5 as he is now made from small parts that may be considered a choking hazard. A small price to pay for immortalization.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5jfvsy2G44S1zgbkMgubhgKUEEPuQ

Friday, April 10, 2009

"ADOPT" a Hero

With the celebrity craze of going to third world countries to adopt children (overlooking the hundreds of thousands awaiting adoption in the U.S.), and flying them to Hollywood so that they can be carted around by a nanny all day and be screamed to by paparazzi in a language that they can't understand; and then exploit the situation by selling "private family moment" pictures to magazines all so that a few months later they can be stuck in the middle of a custody battle during a very public and often times embarrassing divorce because either their new 'mommy' couldn't kick her cocaine habit, or their new 'daddy' was caught in a hotel room with a tranny prostitute....pheeew!- it's easy for people to get caught up in madness. This madness aside, Amercians are very charitable people.
This got me thinking about how important charity is. And how important adoption is. Which then segued my thoughts toward a different type of adoption; and then, to how many of our 'beloved' celebrities bash our beautiful nation -and the men and women who in a twist of irony, defend both the nation and these celebrities’ rights to continue bashing. Yea...that’s how my brain works...anyway; I wanted to highlight one of my favorite organizations. It is called:

ADOPTAUSSOLDIER.ORG

This very amazing group is one that was created by a few military moms. Its purpose? To ensure that our soldiers are reminded how much they mean to us through correspondance, care packages, etc. To help ensure that the soldiers who are across seas defending liberty don't feel alone or as if they are forgotten. It is easy and free to join and you can 'adopt' as many soldiers as you feel you can correspond to. If you ever felt like you wanted to DO SOMETHING WORTH WHILE, here is your chance- it doesn't take up much time. You won't have to worry about the paparazzi, cocaine, trannys, scrutiny, or receiving a series of innoculations to ensure you don't pick up any one of a number of incurable diseases along with your adoptee like you would in a celebrity style adoption

Thursday, April 9, 2009

WHAT THE swashBUCKLE!?!?

In the movies, they always make being a pirate look sweet! Sailing from coast to coast, drinking liquor from the bottle, shooting cannons, finding treasure, pillaging, going to bars that specialize in loose women; but the thing is, all of those pirate movies take place hundreds of years ago. Its 2009. We have nuclear weapons, drone planes, submarines, and about a thousand other technologies that most civilians don't even know about. Yet countries across the globe are in battles on the high seas against...you guessed it, pirates?!? And not the cool kind either...you know the one's with a one-legged captain that talks to a parrot and and make diseases just sound like cool words (Scuuurvvy). No cool one-leeged captains on these ships, though most of them are down to their last tooth. These guys aren't real pirates! They're just a bunch of bottomfeeding sea terrorists with A.K.'s. If One-eyed Willie could see this he'd be pissed!
So how is it that these little pricks are getting the drop on cargo ships all over the Atlantic and instead of going after them and blowing them to kingdom come, everyone is negotiating with them? Johnny Depp wouldn't negotiate them...shit Peter Pan would even kick their sorry asses into the mouth of a crocodile before pandering to their ridiculousness.
Finally, we sent a warship out there to handle these sea cochroaches. Hopefully they catch these pirates, throw a bunch of chum in the water, and once the sharks come, make those little bastards walk the plank. I doubt they'd be missed.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Don't Judge a Book by its Scruffy Beard and Fleece Sweatpants

I consider myself to be a charitable person. While I probably don't give the average religious tithing (10%), I give as much as I can with what I have on me when the situation calls for it.

There I was, one my way to the supermarket to get some Dutch Chocolate cookies and some milk so that I could go home and watch some old episodes of HOUSE and clear some space from my DVR, when, as I parked, I saw a lady and her daughter collecting donations at the supermarket door.
Quick background on the area where my supermarket is: its well-to-do and so are most of the people.

As I was walking up to the supermarket I could here the lady asking for contributions from everyone that walked by...she was NOT shy. So, as I walked up, I started reaching for my wallet...and that's when she did it! This lady looked at me in my fleece sweat outfit, scruffy beard, and Army hat; and turned the other way toward NO ONE! I was dressed VERY casual, but its not like I looked homeless (I am very handsome, and I smell great). I couldn't believe it. I was snubbed by someone soliciting charitable donations at a grocery store. I guessed that the kids she was collecting money for didn't need my money after all.

I grabbed my cookies and milk, paid, and headed out. As I passed Snobby-Judgmental Charity Lady(SJCL), her daughter stopped me and asked me very politely if I'd like to donate money to help children with Lupus. Ok...it wasn't Lupus (as everyone who watches House knows, its never Lupus). Well whatever it was, I gave her what was in my wallet and smiled...As I walked away SJCL said in a loud clear voice, "Thank you, sir." I instantly went from vagabond to statesman in her eyes. Hopefully she learned a lesson from her daughter

Obama's Fried Chicken

So, I recently heard on the news a breaking story about a fried chicken joint in the city that changed their name to Obama's in a ploy to sell more chicken. Of course people are organizing protests now, and the White House issued a statement of disapproval over the name. What for?
Well aparently its racist to pay homage to the President by naming your restaurant after him if his father is an African from Kenya and his mother is a white lady of English descent from Kansas...but its only racist to the black half...and only if your restaurant specializes in chicken. Obama's Kansas City Steakhouse? No problem. Give me a break! Yes, yes...there is racism out there. Perpetuated by ignorant people of all ethnicities. And there are times when people need to rally together and speak out against it. This is clearly NOT one of those times. There are plenty of white people out there who, either blatantly or covertly, display racist tendencies and they should be addressed accordingly. BUT just as plentiful are instances where, as Archie Bunker so eloquently put it, "Blacks call the kettle, pot." (take it easy...its just a joke) Some people out there want to find racism in everything, just so they have a crutch to cling to rather than start walking again. Look, I can't stand racists! I think its pointless and ignorant to harbor negative feelings for someone due to their skin considering we all came from the same few descendents from somewhere near what is now Africa. MLK said it best when he said "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character." And this should hold proper weight for everyone. The owner of this chicken joint doesn't seem like an enemy of equality.
This is obviously just a scheme to make money; and one perpetrated by an obvious Obama supporter. Not racist, just a barely clever way for a small business to get some free publicity on the News and radio. Strangely, this ploy didn't work on me...I don't crave fried chicken any more than I did yesterday. But, I sure could go for some grape soda... (Boooooo!)